Days Like This

Good Morning!  I planned to write this blog post before any distractions clouded my mind.  I’ve already scrolled through Facebook, checked email, checked weather for today and Thanksgiving day in three different cities.  I’ve seen what Kim K wore to a party last night, #whocares, #cameltoe.  I texted a friend and drank two cups of coffee and here I go.

I sit cozy in my bed, looking at the clouds settle over the Rocky Mountain Range.  It’s a lovely cold, cloudy Saturday and I think snow is on the way.  I love these days.

I know what I want to write about today which is a true gift!  Everything I write is my honest experience and if can happen for me, it can happen for you.  I imagine a disclaimer typed atop each blog post, then I type it even though I cringe thinking about what my mother would say if she saw this.

If you have your shit together, this blog is not for you, but if you want to go somewhere different, jump on board!

The life you want is yours for the taking…..period!

I’ve worked intensively on what I really want in my life.  I’ve bounced around and lived small for a long time.  All of us carry baggage and it does take time to sort that history out and put it where it belongs…not in the driver’s seat.  Our sorted baggage belongs in a sacred place of wisdom which serves us as we move forward.

I know what I want.  I can list it off in ten seconds.  It’s memorized. I’ve visualized it, talked about it, yelled it out, prayed for it, and taken steps to get there.  I mean, I’m pretty clear about that.  I know what my gifts are and I want them to be used to enrich my life and the lives of others.

I know what I don’t want, that’s for darn sure.  My baggage is mostly sorted and some of that stuff, I wouldn’t keep in my wisdom place, I wouldn’t give it away, it goes in the trash.

So, I have all this knowledge and can not seem to get from here to there.  There’s this higher calling for me and I can’t quite grasp it.

Fake it till you make it only goes so far until what is comfortable for me lures me away.  For me, it has been alcohol, food, TV, sleeping, playing victim, and over dependence on others.  This includes, not keeping my promises to myself and cutting myself to shreds with my words, thoughts, and actions.

Underneath those beautiful dreams of who I want to be, lies a stronger emotion. A desire to checkout, shirk responsibility become a victim and swim in an ocean of self-pity.  I’ve heard it said that in a battle of emotions vs. intellect, emotions will always win.

So, here is what I do to cross the great divide.  I elevate my emotions to fuel the highest calling in my life; I feel what it will feel like if I am dignified and purposeful.  I create emotions around using my gifts to encourage others and bring joy to the world.   I hold an emotion of living healthy and active. I ask my self how I would feel if a diverse group of people were sitting around my dinner table laughing and enjoying intelligent conversation and good food?

What if I feel these emotions and start to  move in an intentional direction with very little baby steps?  What if I commit to the twelve step program that I know will arrest my addictions? What if I use a smidgen of discipline to start to let go of those deeply rooted escape mechanisms?

What if I just start doing what I know I’m meant to do and leave the rest up to the Universe or God, or my own higher power?

When my emotions around the better thing or the higher calling become powerful enough to align with my intellect and override the lower emotions…..doors fly open, teachers show up, the real me emerges and the angels dance with joy!

This is my experience and you can have it too.

I watched Bohemian Rhapsody last week.  I was very affected by the story of Freddie Mercury.  I grew up in the 70s and early 80s and loved the music but what struck me and what I can’t get out of my mind is that he KNEW he was born for the purpose of performing and writing music.  He knew to the core of his being—and he stepped out in that knowledge.  He couldn’t NOT do the thing he was born to do.  He impacted millions of people.  I believe the greatest height of living is represented in his life.   Even with all the turmoil, loneliness, and heartache.   We all have something to offer whether our reach is small and local or global.  What are we waiting for?  Now is the time!

I Fought the SPANX and the SPANX Won!

“I believe that the ability to laugh at oneself is fundamental to the resiliency of the human spirit.”
― Jill Conner Browne

I sit at my wiggly desk which my children all used at one time or another throughout their school years.  I stare out  my window at the majestic mountain range reaching up to gray clouds.  There is a little circle of blue left for me to absorb, but it will shortly become gray and we will enjoy rain today……we need it.

Almost every day, I think,….what will I write today?  How can I be a loving friend to anyone who drops by this page?  What experience from my life could encourage, impact or even change the trajectory of a readers life.  I want to impact your life for good just as others have impacted mine.  Of course, I want to be thought of as a good writer and I want people to keep coming back.

However, today, the thought that comes to mind is, I’m in pain.  I fought the SPANX and the SPANX won!  There is no denying it.

Tuesday evening, I bought a new dress and a pair of SPANX for a work reception that was held at the elegant Garden of the God’s Club in Colorado Springs.  If you’ve never been there, please put it on your bucket list.  It is perhaps the most beautiful spot in Colorado Springs.  When you stand on the lawn facing the Garden of the Gods, you feel a little bit like your’re in heaven.  This particular night, the entertainment was a family of deer, three little ones and their parents, frolicking on the lawn for two solid hours.  It could not have been planned better.

Garden of the God's Club

But back to reality.  Before I left my office to go to the event, I snuck into the bathroom to put on my new dress and my SPANX.  I’ve never worn SPANX because they are so darn expensive.  Thirty minutes later, I tumbled out of the bathroom with sweat beads on my face, red, panting, barely able to breath.  Those suckers cost $28.00 and left me with a pulled shoulder and limp left arm.  I can tell you, it was not worth the one inch difference on my stomach.

Thank God there was a hole in the bottom area so that I didn’t have to repeat the procedure to get them on again after a bathroom break. The pressure on my organs guaranteed a night of several trips to the ladies lounge.  I imagined carrying a pair of scissors with me at all times in case of a claustrophobic attack during the reception.

So, I sit here today, sharing my little story with you, in terrible shoulder pain.  It’s been 6 days and the pain is worsening.  Perhaps a physical therapist can help.  I’m sure my insurance company will be glad to pay for a SPANX injury.  I wonder if I could donate those suckers to Goodwill instead of just throwing them away…..I mean, $28.00???

I’ve decided no more SPANX for me.  It’s simply not worth it.  I’m going to let my body be my body and as my daughter says, let my freak fly free!