Why You Gotta be so Mean….

So, here’s what I’m thinking about today.  I rolled out of bed, poured steaming hot coffee into my favorite mug, wrote my gratitude list and grabbed my computer.  My mind churned, I have to get a different job….my boss yelled at me and I need to find something else.  I’m being bullied at work…….again…..why does this always happen to me?

I spent about fifteen minutes perusing Indeed.com to look for a job as an escape from the one I have now.  A little more money, a list of job duties into which I could squeeze my skills and experience (fibbing just a little).  I ignore the things about it hat don’t fit, knock out a cover letter, and hit APPLY!  Thank God no-one that I currently work with reads my blog.  When I hit apply, my heart sinks a little….here I go again, making a change that doesn’t really get me closer to my dreams because I feel the heat at work.

The BULLY!  Strangely, the bully shows up in every job I take.  Have you ever had the same person show up in different forms in every place you work, or every group you join?  It’s so damn ironic.  Poor me….Poor Us!  It must be a universal problem.

Is there a lesson for me to learn here?  I can’t find the exact quote but Marianne Williamson and other spiritual teachers talk about the same challenge showing up until we learn the lesson.  I can testify that this is true for me.

The bully has consistently shown up for me throughout my life and has given me excuse after excuse for staying stuck or worse…..failing!  My ex-husband, my children, my mother, step-mother, bosses, co-workers, friends, teachers, aunts, uncles, all blocking me from my success.  I would like to thank all of you for your consistency and for not giving up on me….this is a lesson I want to learn now and move on from it.

It’s okay to look for a new job and to change jobs, but it’s not okay to escape the bully at the expense of my dreams only to find myself in another limiting situation with another bully to blame.

The problem is within me as is my solution!  Upon reflection, I see that I am my own worst bully.  I allow myself to be distracted by or overly dependent on people and their personalities.  It is by this distraction that I turn to food, alcohol, TV, or other escapism habits and neglect to take steps in the general direction of my biggest dreams, my highest calling.  I give my power away and then punish myself mercilessly for it.

Again, Marianne Williamson says the following in A Return to Love,

What is Hell:

  • We’re just disgusted with ourselves, because we think we should be better by now.
  • We’re always, even desperately, seeking a way out through growth or through escape.
  • We begin to realize that we ourselves are somehow the problem, but we don’t know what to do about it.
  • We’re not powerful enough to overrule ourselves.  We sabotage, abort everything:  our careers, our relationships, even our children.  We drink.  We do drugs.  We control.  We obsess.  We co depend.  We overeat.  We hide.  We attack.

Well, I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be in Hell any more.  I know just enough to see that I myself have the power to deal with the bullies in my life once and for all.

First, I must stop bullying myself.  I believe that people generally treat us with the same love and respect with which we treat ourselves.  I can honor my thoughts, ideas, passions, dreams, AND work well in the “job” I currently have.  I can silently bow before my teacher – the bully – and mentally thank him for helping me learn a lesson.  I can be curious and empathetic while setting boundaries for how I expect to be treated.  All this power at my fingertips!

That feels so much betters and I can start taking baby steps toward my dreams, actively turning over stones and having fun on the journey!  Whew, now that I have this settled, I’ll go enjoy this beautiful day!  I hope you do too.