Early every morning, when my son Caleb started to toddle and talk, he rushed into my bedroom to shout “The sun rises! Wake up, the sun rises!”. His declaration roused me from my sleep, and started my day of mothering activities. I loved his sweet high-pitched, joyful voice when he said those words. The start of a new day brought many joys.
He’s long since stopped bounding in with his declaration. Yet, the truth of his words hugged me this week as I adapted to a big change in my life.
Due to a strange and unexpected twist I found myself leaving a job I loved at a place I loved. I accepted a position in another amazing organization. I did not imagine even two months ago I would leave this job, yet here I am, starting over in a wonderful way.
Throughout the last couple of weeks, I found myself in pain. The pain I discussed in an earlier post that simply has to be dealt with. No positive affirmation could relieve me at the moment of its grip on my heart. I could not even explain it to my dear friends. The why of heart ache is sometimes inexplicable.
I felt attached to the sweeping view Pikes Peak from my parking lot. Every day, a gentleman smoked his pipe behind the green tress as I walked to my building. I smelled the oaky, sweet aroma as I meditated, walking up the hill under the shade. I loved greeting the two janitorial superheros in their purple shirts as I entered the building. They worked hard to keep our space lovely and enjoyable. I looked forward to catching up with my office mates as we rehashed the night before or the weekend and worked together to get the job done. We became a family.
Even though I left on a journey to an amazing place for an amazing opportunity, I felt a sense of loss. I built community at my former place of employment. I allowed myself to fully embrace my surroundings and more importantly the people I worked with.
I talked to a loved one on the phone and said these words…”I’m tired of starting over. I mean, I’m 50 and I’ve been through a lot and I don’t want to start over again.” As I heard myself say this, I simultaneously had a thought which became my answer to the pain.
The sun rises every day. It starts over every day. It’s very old and it just keeps starting over. It’s going to be okay. Not only that but as every ocean wave goes out, another one comes in. The ocean is very old and yet it starts over. The waxing and waning of the moon is starting over. As someone dies, someone is born, and hence life starts over. Seasons come and go and come again. A new storm cloud rolls in and the rain falls again. A fallow field is planted and growth starts over. A seed from a flower falls to the ground and growth begins. A toddler falls down, gets back up and starts over. Humanity and all nature is in a state of starting over.
Life means starting over at any moment, any age. With every new dawn, a torrent of possibilities is unleashed. I intend to embrace starting over and expand fully into my new journey.
Recreate your life, always, always. Remove the stones, plant rose bushes and make sweets. Begin again. Cora Coralina