This week held in hand the miraculous, the mundane, and the heartache. I learned that all three can co-exist in my life. This discovery is HUGE for me. There is a compartment of my life or a “chunk” that is really happening for me. I stand amazed at the professional possibilities that are coming my way. I had a week in which opportunities arose that I did not have imagine possible.
Yet, at the same time damn it, I feel a mother’s pain. A crazy panic and fear arises in me. One of my loved ones made choices that hurt. I want to show up for this one like a grizzly bear that tears through the woods to get to the cabin and take every one down in order to rescue her cub. I can see mama bear now, leaving the ramshackle cabin, walking out to the porch with her precious cub in her arms…..victory, mom saves the day!
In the past, I easily allowed the heartache to dominate. I dropped everything to suffer. I mean I was really good at it. I was so good at it, I kept inviting it into my life. One day, during a particularly difficult time in my life, I called my husband (now ex husband) crying that God hated me because the public beach access was closed when I wanted to take a walk….say what? I’m pretty sure that I ruined my day, his, the children’s and anyone else who would listen long enough. Thank God, I am not that person any more.
Remember in an earlier post I wrote, pain is inevitable but suffering is optional? I stand by that quote. I felt great pain this weekend but I also, felt great joy at the gifts life gave me. I took my son and his friend out all day Saturday so that his mother could grieve the loss of her mother. Yes, I actually wanted to lay in bed and cry all day but I found a place to serve and it took my mind off the difficult situation. My mantra being the world needs a loving friend, has to stand regardless of my own state of emotion.
Living in the miraculous, the mundane and the heartache is true living.
God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.